What's not to love about The Reader? Number one, Kate Winslet is my favorite actress. Anyone who's as talented as she is, and still manages to get naked in every single movie she's in, instantly qualifies for coolest person ever.
Number two, it's about an affair between a 30-year-old German tram conductor and a 15-year-old kid. That was totally MY fantasy growing up.
Number three......well, see numbers one and two.
Before I proceed with my own assessment of the film, let's take a look at what this shit is even about.
PLOT SYNOPSIS:
The main kid is vomiting on the side of the road. Apparently he's really sick. Kate Winslet shows up and helps him out.
After healing back up at his home for a few months, he eventually goes back to visit Kate Winslet to say thanks. Then he starts stalking her. Eventually she lets him into her apartment, and he helps her out with her coal. He gets dirty from the coal, so she tells him to take a bath. He takes a bath.
Then they start fucking.
So now they're fucking on a regular basis. The dude skips classes at school so he can go to her place and have sex.
Then all of a sudden, Winslet gives the kid the cold shoulder. But this doesn't last long, because they start fucking again.
So then she asks him to start reading to her BEFORE he fucks her. And then we see the kid reading her various books (from The Odyssey to Tintin comics), which is intercut between shots of them fucking. But I'm not talking about just one scene. This shit goes on FOREVER.
They start taking bike rides by the countryside. As a couple. It's precious. And entirely creepy.
But then, naturally, things get complicated. At the dude's school, all these girls show up. I'm guessing this was an all boy's school, because there seems to be a big deal made out of all these chicks randomly showing up. Maybe instead of a foreign exchange program, it's a pussy exchange program.
One girl in particular, a blonde hottie named Sophie, catches the dude's eye. And while Kate Winslet gets a promotion, the kid is playing footsies in the pool with Sophie. Then Kate Winslet and the kid have a fight.
Then, we get a penis shot.
And then they fuck.
And then Kate Winslet disappears. And the kid is clearly upset. I mean, with all that Golden Globe-winning pussy he was getting, wouldn't you be too?
So we flash forward a few years, and the kid is in law school. He meets this uber hot Kate Bosworth lookalike. Then the class takes a field trip to a big court case. And who's on trial?
Yeah, that's right: Kate Winslet.
Winslet is accused of killing a group of Jews in a concentration camp while she was a guard. The kid, of course, is fucking dumbfounded. The trial goes on, and Winslet is asked to confirm whether or not she wrote a specific report. They ask her to show them her handwriting, but she's hesitant. It's upon this moment that the kid, sitting in the audience, realizes what was in front of him the entire time:
This bitch can't read.
Winslet, however, takes the blame for writing the report. The kid is devastated. He decides to try to visit her in prison, but as he's walking into the building to meet her, he turns back. Cold feet.
He then goes back to his dorm room.....and fucks the Kate Bosworth lookalike.
Then they go back to the trial. And Kate Winslet is sentenced to life in prison. Tears abound.
Oh, I forgot to mention. All while this is happening, we see random flash forward sequences involving Ralph Fiennes as the older version of the kid, reflecting on the past.
Now, something weird happens. We flash back to the past, but now we're at a time where the kid has officially become Ralph Fiennes. So we see an older Kate Winslet in prison, and she gets a package of audio tapes and an audio player. And it turns out to be the kid (now Ralph Fiennes) recording himself as he reads books.
And Kate Winslet loves it. She listens to them constantly, and he keeps sending her tapes. Pretty touching shit.
But then Winslet hatches an idea. As she listens to one tape in particular, she picks up a copy of the actual book. And while listening to the tape and correlating the words on the tape with the words on the page, she figures out how to read.
She sends him a letter, hand-written. The dude is taken back by this. But he never writes her back. Winslet writes him, and writes him, and writes him. But he never writes back.
Years later, Winslet is up for release, and the dude is asked to come see her because he's the only contact she has. The two finally come face to face. And the dude is clearly disturbed. He's cold, and shows her no real affection. He leaves, telling her he'll be back to pick her up for her release in a week.
When he comes back the following week, he finds out she's dead. Suicide. He's told she has left her life savings in a tin, and she wants him to give it to the daughter of one of the concentration camp victims.
The film ends with the dude taking his daughter to see Winslet's grave.
REVIEW:
I went into this film with mixed emotions. I mean, after my rant about how it shouldn't have been nominated for Best Picture even though I hadn't seen it yet, can you really say you're surprised? I wanted this film to be great. I didn't want to hate it. I'd be a pretty big dick to go into a film wanting not to like it.
With that being said, I will go on record as saying that I actually like this movie.
Now, look, I know what you're thinking: "But, Anonymous Blogger.......WTF?!?!?!"
I know. I know. How could I hate on the film for getting a Best Picture nomination over Wall-E or The Dark Knight, but then turn around and say it's a good film? Well, what the fuck do you want me to do? Lie? Say it's an abomination against humanity?
Well, it isn't. It's a solid movie. It's a frustrating one, though. I say frustrating for two reasons.: Number one, this film has no business being nominated for Best Picture. It's simply too stilted and unspectacular to call it one of the five best films of 2008. On the other hand, the film has some strong emotional punches that connect, but don't quite connect as well as they should.
The main reason for this is the lead character, played by young actor David Kross. The dude looks like a Muppet version of Val Kilmer. I don't know what self-respecting woman would want to fuck this kid. Let alone have him read to her before the fucking.
I mean, can you image that shit? This douchebag is reciting a few pages from a Earnest Hemingway novel, and the next thing you know his penis is inside of you? Ugh.
Anywho, the kid is just a drag. It's hard to really get behind him. Making matters worse is the performance of Ralph Fiennes. Now, I love Ralph. But one of the film's biggest problems is when they make the transition between the kid as the kid and Fiennes as the kid. It's bizarre. And the moment when Fiennes, playing the same character that banged the hell out of Kate Winslet, then goes and meets an elderly Winslet in prison......well, I wanted to puke out my ramen and broccoli.
With that being said, Kate Winslet deserves a hell of a lot of credit. She is absolutely amazing in this film. Obviously, she's amazing in everything she's in, but here she's simply superb. Number one, she totally convinced me that she was into banging this kid. Number two, the accent was glorious. Number three, her pathos was genuinely palpable, and easily the most touching thing in the film. Her best moments come during the trial. She's marvelous. And the sequence where she teaches herself to read? Man, I nearly got choked up. Seriously. It's just beautiful.
The other notable aspect of this film is the nudity. Yes, there's a lot of it. Mostly within the first half of the film. There's enough ass and titties in the first twenty minutes of this movie to fill an entire year's worth of Vivid videos. It's like a Skinemax film with higher production values.
The odd thing, though, is that the sex is terrible. I'm speaking as a connoisseur of cinema erotica. The fucking in this film is awful. Maybe director Stephen Daldry needed to watch a few Bang Bus videos to see how the pros do it, 'cause the dude looked lost. Although, I have to thank him for sparing us a Ralph Fiennes penis shot. He might deserve the Best Director trophy just for that.
So at the end of the day, The Reader really isn't that bad. Kate Winslet is amazing, the emotional twists and turns in the second half are pretty strong, and if you're looking for something to jerk off to and still get a good story, then this is pretty close to perfect.
Does it deserve a Best Picture nomination? Probably not.
But is it watchable? Certainly.
Grade: B -
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